Remember when you were a child and all you wanted to do was grow up? You thought that meant you would be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want. Now here we are, all grown up, and most of the time still following rules, being told what to do and with whom we should do it. This isn't all bad; I am a huge fan of structure and plans and following the rules, but from time to time I just want to scream like a five year old that it isn't fair. I am thinking (hoping and praying) I am not alone with these feelings. Today I am sitting here at work, dreaming about the bulbs I bough last night on my garden shopping spree, and not light bulbs, flower bulbs, envisioning early July when my yard is full of purple, yellow, pink and white flowers, wishing that I was out in the garden today planting them and not considering the ramifications of if and when the Dow Jones is going to crash again...frankly I don't think this will happen, but it has been a big discussion in my work life lately...I just want to go and garden, is that too much to ask?
The other side of this tale is a bigger personal drama than wishing I was playing outside instead of sitting here at my desk. At almost 30 years old, I have again been reminded about the "mean girl." I would have thought that the days of crying over friends ended when I walked out of my high school for the last time, but unfortunately that isn't the case. I have been reminded that growing up is hard to do, not only because things change, but because people change. Life changes people, experiences change people and people change people. Sometimes these changes are so big that a friendship that has lasted a long, long time comes to an end. When you don't see that end coming, when you are blindsided by that end, when you didn't want the end to come, but it was forced on you, it is reminiscent of a middle school break up. The feelings of rejection, as strong as they were at age 13, are back in your heart at age 28 and it is ever the more confusing when you are an adult, as you thought the days with those feelings were behind you. You wonder "I still enjoy spending time with them, we had so many great memories, how do you not want to be my friend any more." It's a sad time at any age when you feel "dumped" by a friend and you realize that the friendship really is over.
However, there is a bright side, sort of like in a garden. When a wilted plant is surrounded by so many beautiful blooming plants the wilted one doesn't stick out as much. The beauty of all the flowers around heal the eye sore of the faded, crunchy, dead leaves. I have been reminded in the last few weeks how many truly great, blooming friends I have and how much they care. I have seen how the heart heals quickly with the love of family and friends. The ones who I appreciate so much and look forward to many more happy years of great memories with are so important and vibrant in my life. As for the wilted friend, I am taking the attitude of thanks for the joy you gave me while you were around, best wishes for you, but its time to remove you from my thoughts and move on .
On Saturday I plan on being in the garden all day. I have a new butterfly bush to plant, some hostas to separate and move, hydrangeas to cut back and water, and a grand plan for a raised vegetable bed (thanks to Pioneer Woman's Plan). I am hopeful that all of these plants will make it through the summer and bloom in all of their glory, but I realize one or two might be lost along the way and that's alright. I will just have to remember the fun that I had while planting them and realize that unfortunately some good things come to an end. The flower wilted along the way does not destroy my love for gardening just like a mean girl does not destroy my love for all of the truly great people in my life.
If you got all the way here, thanks for reading and if all the parallels between a garden and friendship made your stomach hurt, sorry about that. It just seemed to really fit the way I feel right now. I realize this post is a little more serious than I usually write, but these were somethings I just had to get out and I couldn't think of a better place to do it then here. I appreciate you reading and I can't wait to share some pictures of the garden development next week! Oh and maybe I will cook again and share a recipe or two...I bet the hubby would appreciate that...
Sincerely Loving Food and Sincere Friends,